My Scumbag System - Chapter 253

Chapter 253: They Say All’s Fair in Love And War, But This Is Ridiculous
Emi bounced on her toes while her sapphire hair caught the light. “This is going to be so fun! I’ve been saving up for some custom arrows with healing cores embedded in the shafts.”

“I just need gloves,” Soomin murmured while staring at her hands as if they might transform into claws at any moment. “Something that won’t tear when I change.”

Skylar merely yawned and stretched her arms above her head. “Whatever. As long as we hit up the underground music shop while we’re there. I need new headphones resistant to Aspect interference.”

“Wait, I have to walk around?” Juan complained while stretching his arms above his head with a loud yawn that showcased his perfect teeth. “This is a violation of my fundamental rights to horizontal existence.”

“Oh no, you don’t.” Carmen reappeared suddenly and hooked her arm through Juan’s with surprising speed for someone who appeared to still be nursing a significant hangover. “You’re with me. I need someone to carry my bags and make sure I don’t fall asleep in a gutter.”

Before I could process the shift in grouping or object to having my carefully arranged team composition altered, she’d looped her other arm through mine and pulled me close enough that I could smell her perfume. Something spicy and expensive that didn’t quite mask the scent of last night’s whiskey. Her body pressed against mine with casual intimacy that I suspected was intentional since Carmen was many things, but careless with physical boundaries wasn’t one of them.

“And I need my favorite pillow to lean on,” she added with a grin that was only slightly predatory, her single visible eye twinkling with mischief. “It’s a long walk to the bar.”

And just like that, I was stuck chaperoning two students, a lazy genius, and a drunk TA. Perfect. Carmen’s presence complicated things since she was unpredictable and perceptive, and just sober enough to notice if I tried anything too obvious with Emi or Soomin.

As the ferry began its final approach to the mainland dock, the groups prepared to head their separate ways. The engines rumbled beneath our feet while the captain maneuvered us toward the concrete pier. Harbor workers readied the mooring lines with movements that spoke of years doing the same routine.

I was mentally mapping our route through the Forge Quarter and planning which shops to hit first based on everyone’s needs, when my world exploded in pink and gold.

A shimmering notification materialized in my vision and came with the scent of roses and the faint sound of harp music. This wasn’t one of Nel’s cold blue system windows with their clinical design and hidden sarcasm. This was different. Intrusive. Almost aggressive in its femininity. The scent was overwhelming, like walking into a perfume shop where every bottle had been uncapped simultaneously.

What fresh hell is this?

A new avatar appeared in my private System view. Not Apollo with his theatrical flourishes and smug grin, but a chibi version of a woman whose beauty was so perfect it was almost painful to look at. She was filing her nails with a glowing pink nail file while looking bored and beautiful and utterly unimpressed.

Her features were impossibly symmetrical, and her expression belonged to someone who knew they were the most attractive person in any room and was thoroughly bored by that fact.

Oh no.

[Oh, look. Another one of Apollo’s little projects,] she purred, and her voice was a lazy sultry drawl directly in my mind. [So much testosterone. Yawn. Listen up, boy toy. The gods are getting a little bored of all your scheming and fighting. It’s time for some romance. A little eros to spice up the thanatos.]

Her voice dripped with condescension and amusement as if I were a particularly dull pet that had nonetheless performed an unexpectedly entertaining trick. She examined her perfect nails and blew on them delicately before looking back at me with eyes that contained galaxies.

You have got to be kidding me.

The notification crystallized into a quest window with its borders decorated with intertwining roses and golden doves.

[SPONSORED SIDE QUEST ISSUED: A KISS BEFORE MIDNIGHT]

[Sponsor: The Divine Court of Aphrodite]

[Objective: Before the ferry departs from the mainland at midnight, you must seduce one of the women in your designated shore-leave group into a passionate embrace.

The kiss must be genuine, consensual, and last for a minimum of thirty seconds.

Stolen moments amidst the moonlight are so much sweeter when there’s a ticking clock, don’t you agree?]

[Designated Targets: Emi Aoyama, Pan Soomin, Skylar Amane, Carmen Navarro.]

I stared at the text while trying to process the implications as the stakes appeared below.

[Success Reward: 250 SP. Trait Upgrade: [Charming Eyes] -> [Siren’s Gaze]. Trait Upgrade: [One Size Fits All] -> [Nectar of the Gods]]

[Failure Penalty: You will be afflicted with the [Anaphrodisia] debuff for one month. All members of the opposite sex will find you subconsciously uninteresting and non-threatening. Your charisma stat will be effectively nullified.]

My blood ran cold.

This was a setup. An insane, high-stakes, deeply problematic setup that Apollo’s entire pantheon must be laughing their divine asses off about right now. The quest window hung in my vision with its pink glow as a mocking reminder that I was still just a puppet dancing on strings held by bored immortals who had nothing better to do than screw with mortals for entertainment.

The rewards were incredible. A direct upgrade to my seduction toolkit and a nice SP bonus that would push me closer to my next major milestone. But the penalty? Being rendered completely charmless for a month would cripple my entire operation at the worst possible time.

Everything I’d built with Natalia and the groundwork I was laying with Emi would be at risk. I’d be reduced to a null entity in the social ecosystem and completely incapable of advancing my plans.

Not an option. Failure wasn’t even on the table.

And what kind of scumbag would I be if I denied this quest?